[ Ajax does not sleep well, but he has come to at least control his worst nightmares in terms of acting out— when he wakes suddenly there are no loud noises or truly startling movements, just forcing his eyes open suddenly to clear them as quickly as possible. The nightmares have become by now so overdone and consistent that he finds it hard to be truly moved— at least beyond the emotional toll they take on him that he also ignores the cumulation of.
For this fox youkai does not merely deal with the nightmares of his own experiences but all of the memories of Inazuma lost to their hosts, as they scatter like leaves only to be tumbled into the filth that sickens the land of the electro Archon. Many are Lady Saiguu's, but far many more are unnamed victims that have lost their lives to the miasma itself indirectly or directly that creates a constant cycle of pain and suffering. Ajax stares off with unfocused eyes, the nightmare he's roused from still echoing at the edges of his wakeful reality, clawing and freezing the boundaries to the point he has to wonder when does one become more real than the other. Will there be a point ever where those memories make up not of him than the reality that he faces every day?
(Someone's parents don't come home one night. They grow up orphaned, scared, bitter and alone and only wishing to get revenge on the ones that took their family away from them, that took their entire life away and made it nothing more than a means to an end. They never succeed, either because they can't identify the people, they agree killed by another, or bad luck catches up to them, too, in their quest and they die unfairly and unfulfilled.)
Ajax doesn't know why, but memories like these upset him the most. That suffering is always so raw, so real, so simplistic it's impossible not to sympathize with the victim as if... as if he could really empathize what having a family taken away would be like. What a joke, maybe even a vile despicable thought to think he could understand that suffering in any way.
(But as he glances up and notices Zhongli also asleep, head bowed peacefully as he's curled in against the fox youkai, Ajax feels a sliver of dread he doesn't quite understand. He knows what it is because he's felt it through others so many times before— the dread of losing this person. This adeptus does not belong to him or his life in any sense, though, he has no right to feel anything like (because even if Zhongli merely goes back to Liyue, Ajax will lose him. so why would he feel so strongly attached as if he understands what it feels like to not be alone that going back to it would bring sadness? )
If he's honest, he very much has come over this short trip to not want to be alone anymore since meeting this adeptus. Maybe because Zhongli treats him too much like a living being that has his own life and right to exist with the rest of the. That's an impossible future for him, though, so why does his mind linger on such a thing, regardless? Letting his gaze wander he glances to the large tail and how the way it's curled about him makes him feel like he could be safe. He's never felt safe with anyone before. Is it because Zhongli is such a powerful being that he feels a strange comfort in that or is it something else?
(Again he can't... be killed like a real person or by the miasma. And no matter how powerful and entity only be very specific individuals could destroy him, so there's no reason to feel unsafe. He isn't even sure how he could feel safe, but his mind tells him that's what he feels and so he goes with it. )
Not wanting to disturb the other, Ajax simply remains as he is short of snuggling a little bit closer once again. His elder is asleep and unaware, but it's all more than enough Ajax can pretend for some pmoments that's he's being consciously held. It's nice... maybe too nice to the point it shouldn't feel nice at all. Ajax is stubborn about what he wants to feel and how to perceived things, though, so he manages to rather easily focus on the positive he wants out of it.
(Even so, the youkai can't help but wonder why Zhongli is being so accommodating to him. He's not unhappy with it at all, but he has never particularly been able to make long term relationships really beyond face value.of course, to want to have relationships when something like himself... he guesses is only natural to want and feel things from the memories of others no matter how corrupted they have become.)
His curious blue eyes drift up to the antlered horns, quietly admiring them even as they catch the gleam and gentle glow of flowers and plants in the cave. Everything is peaceful enough until the sounds of wolves are picked up by his large ears. They flatten nervously but he only goes to move so he can make sure his tails cover them both efficiently. Regularly wolves aren't an issue, but the spirit realm ones that prowl about can be obvious and sneak attack if they don't recognize what they are dealing with. There's no way they will pick a fight if they sense either of their strengths normally but if they find them vulnerable they just might try their luck. A Ninetails with all his tails on display even while not needing to have them present, white or otherwise, should be enough to keep the spirits from trying anything though. Even so, Ajax shifts to protectively test his head against Zhongli's antlers now.
He will finally drift back to sleep after a few minutes if Zhongli stays asleep. ]
no subject
For this fox youkai does not merely deal with the nightmares of his own experiences but all of the memories of Inazuma lost to their hosts, as they scatter like leaves only to be tumbled into the filth that sickens the land of the electro Archon. Many are Lady Saiguu's, but far many more are unnamed victims that have lost their lives to the miasma itself indirectly or directly that creates a constant cycle of pain and suffering. Ajax stares off with unfocused eyes, the nightmare he's roused from still echoing at the edges of his wakeful reality, clawing and freezing the boundaries to the point he has to wonder when does one become more real than the other. Will there be a point ever where those memories make up not of him than the reality that he faces every day?
(Someone's parents don't come home one night. They grow up orphaned, scared, bitter and alone and only wishing to get revenge on the ones that took their family away from them, that took their entire life away and made it nothing more than a means to an end. They never succeed, either because they can't identify the people, they agree killed by another, or bad luck catches up to them, too, in their quest and they die unfairly and unfulfilled.)
Ajax doesn't know why, but memories like these upset him the most. That suffering is always so raw, so real, so simplistic it's impossible not to sympathize with the victim as if... as if he could really empathize what having a family taken away would be like. What a joke, maybe even a vile despicable thought to think he could understand that suffering in any way.
(But as he glances up and notices Zhongli also asleep, head bowed peacefully as he's curled in against the fox youkai, Ajax feels a sliver of dread he doesn't quite understand. He knows what it is because he's felt it through others so many times before— the dread of losing this person. This adeptus does not belong to him or his life in any sense, though, he has no right to feel anything like (because even if Zhongli merely goes back to Liyue, Ajax will lose him. so why would he feel so strongly attached as if he understands what it feels like to not be alone that going back to it would bring sadness? )
If he's honest, he very much has come over this short trip to not want to be alone anymore since meeting this adeptus. Maybe because Zhongli treats him too much like a living being that has his own life and right to exist with the rest of the. That's an impossible future for him, though, so why does his mind linger on such a thing, regardless? Letting his gaze wander he glances to the large tail and how the way it's curled about him makes him feel like he could be safe. He's never felt safe with anyone before. Is it because Zhongli is such a powerful being that he feels a strange comfort in that or is it something else?
(Again he can't... be killed like a real person or by the miasma. And no matter how powerful and entity only be very specific individuals could destroy him, so there's no reason to feel unsafe. He isn't even sure how he could feel safe, but his mind tells him that's what he feels and so he goes with it. )
Not wanting to disturb the other, Ajax simply remains as he is short of snuggling a little bit closer once again. His elder is asleep and unaware, but it's all more than enough Ajax can pretend for some pmoments that's he's being consciously held. It's nice... maybe too nice to the point it shouldn't feel nice at all. Ajax is stubborn about what he wants to feel and how to perceived things, though, so he manages to rather easily focus on the positive he wants out of it.
(Even so, the youkai can't help but wonder why Zhongli is being so accommodating to him. He's not unhappy with it at all, but he has never particularly been able to make long term relationships really beyond face value.of course, to want to have relationships when something like himself... he guesses is only natural to want and feel things from the memories of others no matter how corrupted they have become.)
His curious blue eyes drift up to the antlered horns, quietly admiring them even as they catch the gleam and gentle glow of flowers and plants in the cave. Everything is peaceful enough until the sounds of wolves are picked up by his large ears. They flatten nervously but he only goes to move so he can make sure his tails cover them both efficiently. Regularly wolves aren't an issue, but the spirit realm ones that prowl about can be obvious and sneak attack if they don't recognize what they are dealing with. There's no way they will pick a fight if they sense either of their strengths normally but if they find them vulnerable they just might try their luck. A Ninetails with all his tails on display even while not needing to have them present, white or otherwise, should be enough to keep the spirits from trying anything though. Even so, Ajax shifts to protectively test his head against Zhongli's antlers now.
He will finally drift back to sleep after a few minutes if Zhongli stays asleep. ]