hydrangeabloom | Forever and again

[ Ah. For some reason Ajax feels... disappointed, almost, to hear that despite it being the question he corrected himself into asking.

(would they having had met somewhere once before have been the answer to the something that's been missing from him? Really most likely... no.)

Ajax blinks again, looking at that smile, and that guilt feels stronger. It doesn't get any clearer, though. Doesn't understand how it would do anything for either of them. Afterall, Ajax had already said it. They would never see eye to eye, nevermind get along well enough for 'home' for one of them being around the other.

(But he has no home. Everyone is supposed to have a home, aren't they?) ]

Ah, yeah... that makes sense. [ he closes his eyes, bringing a one hand up to almost clutch at his covered eye, thoughtful.

Even if... somehow they did know each, if there really was a home for Ajax, well... wouldn't that just be particularly cruel to crack wide open? A home will not change the Abyss Flower's parasitic grip, and it's not something he imagined an archon can do easily erase it or humans wouldn't find it so morbidly intriguing for its godlike abilities.

his expression droops in rare resignation before he wipes it clean from his expression, forcing a small smile. it's clear that Ajax doesn't smile often— it's almost as if he's only capable of doing it because he's practiced it so many times rather than capable of feeling something that would cause it as a response to anything. ]

It was a happy memory, most likely. I didn't see much of it, but it gives me the impression your reputation is perhaps not so inflated. Afterall, being able to balance ruthlessness and power with nurturing and care as well as judgement and wisdom is pretty tall order, even for a god.

[ he tells his lie so flawlessly, like it's the most natural thing in the world even if it's impossible to be true with how Ajax had initially reacted.

It wasn't happy at all. The feeling was awful. Talking about it would make a stranger feel awkward at best, so if it really was a memory to someone Rex Lapis potentially knew... ]

Anyway. [ The owner felt not only guilty, but lost and unsure how to find their way back .... back... ]

...Home, huh. Well, thanks for the invitation, I'll try not be too rude of a guest. But, I have never had a home so if I'm doing it wrong, you probably should correct me, aha.

Regardless, I won't outstay my welcome and will make sure to recover quickly. [ he glances to the bloody mess next to him. At least if he's here Morax will be able to deal with the Abyss Flower rearing its head. So, yeah, this is most definitely probably the place to spend what limited time is left. ]

Edited (typo) 2024-02-11 03:27 (UTC)

[ Morax tilts his head with each statement, the stranger giving him so much information with these snippets than he was probably aware of. (Ajax, too, had been quite chatty, providing most of the conversation during the beginning of their friendship. He had taken care of planning out the activities and dragging Zhongli alongside him as well — a skill that Zhongli had admired so much about the other even if he was not well practiced in it himself.)

But back to the matter at hand, that information was best kept close to his chest (to use only if needed) while tending to Ajax's more immediate needs. Restoring the man's health was paramount. Everything else (as complicated as it would probably turn out to be) could come later. ]

I do not believe there is a way to do a home incorrectly unless one means to destroy it.

[ Which this man will not be able to do (Abyssal power or no) so that is a moot point. ]

This sanctuary is here for as long as you need it. Do not feel rushed.

[ And with that, Rex Lapis bows his head politely before getting up and moving nearby to where his "office" is. That is to say, a large stack of scrolls that require his attention as the ruler of Liyue. The population of the harbor was still small, mostly survivors from the Guili Assembly and those whose gods had fallen during the Archon Wars, but still there was work to be done.

He does not bother with keeping tabs on Ajax for the earth will tell him where he is and if he needs assistance. It will also tell him if the man needs to more thoroughly watched (if he goes after Lumine again) but with his current injuries as they are, the Archon does not see that happening anytime in the foreseeable future. ]

[ Ajax doesn't say anything to that — he's well used to it being assumed he's going to destroy everything and anything in the end that it being mentioned isn't surprising. Maybe it's just deserved because that's simply what the Abyss does in the eyes of those of Celestia. Instead, he just offers a smile in acknowledgement, the same as if he was given something far more compassionate for a response before the archon returns to his duties.

It's not like he can expect the Archon of Contracts to be a social butterfly and know what and what not to say to make his "guest" feel as truly welcome in this place as he seems(?) to want to convey. (Of course, in reality there is nothing he could ever say to do such a thing, anyway. Ajax is an outsider and he will never be accepted no matter what the geo archon claims. If the rest of Liyue gets wind a creature of the Abyss is being allowed to stay, even on condition of best behavior, that's not going to fly with any of them. )

The young warrior doesn't bother Rex Lapis from there on out whenever he is "occupied." Yet Ajax also diligently returns to the same spot he was left at whenever he does fully disappear from the area. He disappears within hours that same day despite his injuries and doesn't return until sunrise. What's he gone and done with himself is hard to tell, and he doesn't offer insights. He already knows the geo archon can know where and what he's doing if he wanted. So when Rex Lapis works, Ajax leaves or is silently and obediently under the ginkgo tree. When there, he often stares off at nothing, but there's are some points where he gets a few moments of mercy where he actually is able to fall asleep (and seems to actually sleep without stress and forced apathy of an existence he clearly has thoughts on over himself.) When the ruler of Liyue is gone from the area, Ajax is almost always gone, too.

—Except, slowly but surely there is a small stream of fruits or nuts or something of sustenance left carefully nearby his "office" for the geo archon, just in case. Sometimes, some are fresh tea leaves, carefully picked and handled with care. Maybe it's a few local critters that are doing their best to help their lord stay well in his times of work with good intentions. Who knows.

( Although he has been careful to not disturb the ruler of Liyue, whenever he's been around, Ajax hasn't been able to help himself entirely. His healing process has him restless and bored and more interested in being anywhere in liyue than stuck in one spot. So he gets chatty and invasive even, sometimes—innocently so—only returning to not bothering Rex Lapis when he's metaphorically picked up and settled back behind the play pen gate, tail left wagging hopefully that being patient will get him rewarded with more social interaction. )

Out of respect for the geo lord's efforts of treating his wounds, the mortal is very obedient and stays out of trouble. Trouble will eventually find him, but for now there is none to be found. ]

Edited 2024-02-12 01:52 (UTC)

[ Rex Lapis does not comment on Ajax's comings and goings, giving the man the space he believes he needs to heal and ground himself after whatever has occurred to him. (Rex Lapis also does not ask why the creature of the Abyss came to Liyue for sanctuary or why he stays. That is also not his story to ask when he has so many other unfinished threads of his own to untangle.)

The offerings of tea leaves and other various gifts do not go unnoticed. It is perhaps more that Rex Lapis does not know what to do with them. He takes care of himself so he certainly does not need the gifts that Ajax provides. But he is not blind to what Ajax could be implying — a peace offering, a way to pay off his debts, or perhaps even a contribution to this sanctuary to make it more a "home". Even by the most practical definition, Ajax is contributing to this place and his people, and that is all that Rex Lapis has ever needed to fold someone into the contracts of his protection.

So, the Archon repays the favor in kind. Their shared space begins being occupied by items which now belong to Ajax - a cup, a pair of chopsticks, a bowl, a plate, a change of clothes, and first aid implements for his use only when he returns from wherever he wanders to. The last gift is a knife carved and smelt from jade and gold. It's small and versatile — able to be used to fillet fish and clean game and cook if necessary. But it is also sharp enough for defense (and offense) if needed in such a capacity.

Morax presents the blade to Ajax one day as he blinks up at the boughs of the ginkgo tree, certainly not asleep but also not thrumming with some of the anxious energy that he sometimes exhibits. ]

The days are long and you seem restless. Perhaps the both of could benefit if you care to offer up some of your free time for trade.

[ Ajax tilts his head curiously, glancing between Rex Lapis and the offered gift. His one good eye does light up with an unusual interest, but seems confused as to why it's bring presented to him. ...It looks so nicely crafted, though, wow!

Shifting to sit up a little more, the young mercenary will scoot himself up into a less slouched sitting position now, seemingly more attentive. Is the other asking for him to go on some kind of mission? Or does he want something, maybe hope Ajax can take a hint and understand? ]

Sure. Do you need something, then?

[ he's not just giving him the blade for fun, right? He seems hesitant to take it but he'll slowly reach out for it if Morax doesn't retract as he does so. ]

Though the war has concluded, the remnants of those slain gods still linger. The world is in imbalance — the regrets and hatred of those departing threatening the living.

[ The sheathed blade is pressed into his palm, cool to the touch but thrumming with an undeniable divine energy coursing through the metal. It feels like the sun warmed sky and the solid earth beneath his feet. The blessing of Rex Lapis. ]

You have a talent with the blade and the bravery of a warrior. Liyue, no — any nation would be well served by your talents. So please—

[ Rex Lapis bows his head respectfully, acknowledging Ajax for the warrior he knows him to be. And the Geo Archon has never been arrogant enough to underestimate nor belittle the sacrifice of the many soldiers who fought under his flag and his name. ]

Tell me the price for yours.

[ oh?

This is very unexpected.

So unexpected that he almost isn't sure how to respond.

Almost is the key word, though: for he has never been able to not be dragged in by the siren's call of being deemed useful to someone, especially in regards to power. ]

Edited 2024-02-14 04:45 (UTC)

[ Ajax's surprise eases away, holding the blade in one hand before reaching out with his other to hook his pinky finger with one of Rex Lapis's own in a childish gesture that he realizes most likely means nothing to the god of Liyue. It's fine, though, because it doesn't mean there is a dimensioned value of the intent just because the custom is foreign.

When he replies, it's very light-hearted; the young man is very clearly happy to be useful and simultaneously tries not to make his price too h next or anything. ]

Okay, well, it might be more than you're used to, but I will absolutely show you I'm more than worth it! I want at least one smile from the great geo archon per significant threat culled or some percentage of balance restored with measurements defined acceptable yourself. Bonus points if it's for or towards me, but any kind of actual attempt at smiling and for whom or what is acceptable on my end.

[ "I love it when you smile, Xiansheng."

"When you're finally tired of being a god and want to try out a mortal life, I'll help you out.."

"Let's make a contract—." ]

[ Rex Lapis's eyes lower, freezing as he hears that same voice with that same cadence and tone offer the same words. But that was lifetimes ago. And a promise unfulfilled and a contract broken. There was a world of difference between the young brash boy who nearly died on that fishing boat at sea and whatever creature from the Abyss sat in front of him now.

Ah, but that is unfair to this man who has suffered greatly. Does he not also deserve to be welcomed into Liyue with open arms — to taste the street food of the night market, enjoy the beaches and the mountains, lift a lantern of his own high into the night sky...

Rex Lapis's posture is stiff and rigid when Ajax locks their pinkies together, but not because he is opposed to it. His own mind watching the scene through the filter of centuries, a prisoner in his own body. If he were younger, then perhaps— If it did not make him ache for the mortal that left on a grand adventure only never to return home— ]

I'm afraid such things are not of equal value. For the service you would provide for Liyue and her people, a smile seems hardly sufficient for the dangers you might face or the harm that may come to you.

Are you sure that is what you want?

[

This Ajax would say that he indeed doesn't deserve any of those opportunities. He has long lost any hope of having a life where he can do anything a normal human can do.

Enjoying life, making friends, living as one wishes to rather than as the world tells him he must be; those are things he once fought for and believed were possible if he didn't give up on himself. But, he had underestimated the power of the Abyss, both literally and simply in name. No one wanted anything to do with him, and Ajax had finally learned he couldn't blame them, any longer. It was easier to accept, because when death came he could be happy about it rather than in despair of what and who he was leaving behind. The way Morax talks is nice, but all Ajax hears is that the other speaks as if he has any life left to live. He's at the end of his rope, facing such dangers and being killed in battle would be a blessing than what awaits him. And he's damned one way or another. If they were able to remove it, he'll die most likely. If they don't, he'll die most certainly.

He's a coward to hide in Liyue, isn't he, rather than face what's coming?

(No, no. It's not that, a small part stubbornly denies. I just want to die where I have been loved before. I want to die in my home, even if all alone. I want to be at home for the remaining days I have left.)

When was he ever loved in this place, he doesn't know, but he doesn't bother to question it any more. It's too late to question and find answers to such things.

It's not very long, afterall. A year at best. But most likely only three to six more months if his memory of the experiment and the Abyss Flower's maturity process are accurate.

Afterall... being useful is the best be can hope for, and the geo archon seems to be one of the better entities to be useful to, if allowed.

Nevertheless—

• • •
Ajax hums gently in thought, before questioning as if in surprise: ]

Oh, you think so? So you are saying you smile a lot when not doing work and are off with others? I guess that does lower the value a little bit.

—But, I still haven't seen it much at all myself; so if I say you need to do it around me, that makes it more equal. Problem solved, yeah?

[ he smiles like it's such an easy thing to do before lowering his head a little, speaking more softly—just to make sure the geo archon doesn't think he's depriving himself of something else he wants more. (There is... something else, but he knows the archon can't offer it, so why or the burden on him by even asking?) ]

Yes, I'm sure this is what I want. This is one of the only ways I will ever get to see someone smile around me. If I can see you smile, then that's more than enough for me to be happy with the "pay."

Edited 2024-02-14 23:54 (UTC)

[ There's a lot to unpack in those statements. Why would a man on the run care about seeing a smile from the Geo Archon of all people? Certainly there are more valuable things that Rex Lapis can offer in trade.

As for this being the only way people would smile around him—

(Morax's thoughts are once again drawn back to Ajax. The man with no home and nowhere to return to. Perhaps for those very same reasons, did he enjoy Morax's smiles...?) ]

Very well. Then if that is what you wish to accept in trade. Know that you may re-negotiate your side of the contract at any time.

[ And know that Rex Lapis would pay the man in other ways to compensate for his efforts. He thinks of the small set of meager possessions that Ajax keeps here, just the bare necessities for living.

Yes.

Yes, there was definitely more that Rex Lapis could offer. He offers his hand, eyes glowing a faint gold as he waits for the other man to take it. ]

Then let this contract be set in stone.

Thank you for indulging a strange request~.

[ he says simply in reply before reaching out to take his hand. Ajax seems very content with this outcome, so it's not very clear if he'll be doing any renegotiating of contracts in terms of what he gets out of it.

After a moment, he'll p tilt his head. ]

We good now? Or do I need to do something else for this contract?

How restless are you, young warrior?

[ He pulls his hand back finally, settling them carefully in his lap as he considers Ajax's condition. He's still recovering from his injuries, and on occasion, Rex Lapis will see petals and stems escape from his throat as the mysterious illness persists. But nothing dire. Nothing that would certainly keep him from acting upon the contract immediately. ]

If you would like to embark on a trial hunt, there are always creatures that need slaying.

[ Liyue did attract such creatures after all. Those that held resentment for Morax specifically and those that were just mindless beings of hate and rage looking for something to inflict their anger upon. ]

I could accompany you to one whenever you are ready.

[ Perhaps the Archon was being overly cautious, but now that this man was contractually under the umbrella of his protection, he no longer had to feel reserved about offering his protection and guidance. And it would seem that for the moment, this lost soul needed both. ]

[ The young man's head tilts to one side, him looking surprised in a very innocent and unexpected type way. Despite being from the Abyss and battle hardened with a lot of weight on his shoulders that seems to constantly threaten to drag him downward, his reaction to Morax's offer is incredibly naive and pure.

The end of his mouth tilt upwards as he goes to speak, a hopeful smile that he can't quite control spreading across his face. ]

Huh? You really want to come along?

[ he doesn't quite get to saying yes let's go, but it's embarrassingly obvious that this idea of the geo archon joining him has him sincerely feeling a reserved sense of happiness. ]

[ Ajax might be a little disappointed then regarding Rex Lapis's reasoning for accompanying him. And Rex Lapis is too honest in his youth to provide Ajax with anything other than the full reasoning for his behavior. ]

You embark on this task for the sake of the people of Liyue. Therefore, Liyue will offer you its protection in turn.

While we have done our best to heal your wounds and afflictions, our knowledge of those touched by the Abyss is limited at best. And you are still plagued by the flowers which only further complicates your recovery. It would be irresponsible to send you out to tackle a dangerous foe without first ensuring that there are no lingering affects from your injuries.

Thus, I will go with you until we can confirm that you are well enough to handle such missions on your own.

And know that if you ever need assistance, you may always call upon my name, and I will come to you.

[ DISAPPOINTED DOESN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE IT.

WOW. ]

[ —oh well, what the fuck ever. So what if those are the reasons, what else was he actually expecting?

Nothing, that's what. Company is better than no company, even if it's only present because they think he needs to be babysat because of his injuries.

The emotion drains from his face, but there's no surprise lingering as he had misunderstood even though he probably did for a second. (Not a huge misunderstanding, but maybe a little— maybe thinking Morax was just trying to be a little friendlier to him or something. Not really so that much different, just a little bit.)

Instead of say anything, he simply nods, going to use his free hand to push himself up from the ground to stand and stretch with his side turned towards the geo archon now as he does, all while keeping hold of the new weapon in his other hand. ]

[ he turns back to Morax after a moment, his face no longer a complete void. He even has a pleasant enough expression that he hopes shows his gratitude for the time Rex Lapis is taking to go with him. He restrains himself from getting particularly excited about the new mission and keeping his body language in check. He'll have plenty of stuff to let loose on and burn it up soon enough. ]

Sounds good, Xiansheng. I hope that's the most appropriate honorific to give you. Since I'm not one of your followers or anything.

...well, that and I haven't learned that many words in Liyue since I didn't really plan on ever having an extended stay.

[ he makes no comments about how he's fine and doesn't need to be looked out for. That the Abyss power isn't doing anything he isn't already aware of.

—And unfortunately, everything detrimental to his wellness all has nothing to do with injuries he's received.

Morbid conversations are killjoys, anyway. ]

Anyway, I'm in your hands. Ready when you are~.

[ Xiansheng...

That familiar name said in that familiar voice with that familiar face. Morax knows that something has occurred just now with the fall of the man's expression no matter how at ease he seems currently. But he cannot begin to understand what just happened or if it is a fortunate or unfortunate turn of events.

Guizhong and Ping would both be giving him an earful right now for his blockheaded-ness. He is sure of it.

(Even with Ajax who he thought he knew reasonably well, he could never predict what he would do. If he did, then perhaps—) ]

The honorific is well received. I am not your deity so I do not expect treatment as such as long as the both of us abide by the terms of the contract.

However, — I do not believe I have a name to call you. And from our previous encounter, you mentioned that you had no name.

Is that still the case?

[ Ajax cants his head again, but this time there's nothing indicating he might be surprised as to what he hears. Rather, he is considering both how to answer the question as well as why he is seeking a name. ]

Hah? My actual name? ...Well, I don't think you're going to abuse it like Lumine would if I had given it to her back then, but you honestly can call me whatever you want if it's just you want to call me something. [ which, ironically had been proven to him with Morax's response just moments ago.]

If you want a name to call me, though... it's Ajax.

But almost no one calls me that anymore, so no pressure that you have to remember it and use it, either.

[ The whole world is bathed in silence then as Rex Lapis is frozen to his very core. All light, all color, all sound recede to nothingness save for the bright flame that has always drawn Zhongli in no matter how aware that he is the moth that is most certainly being lead to the flame of his own demise.

Ajax.

Ajax. Ajax.

There are no coincidences in this world. Not like this. Certainly this must be Ajax. His Ajax. Bleeding petals and stems for another. But oh, Zhongli doesn't even care about that. Not really, outside of the fact that it causes Ajax anguish. His Ajax is alive, right in front of his eyes. And Zhongli's heart wants to give him the world. The life that was denied to him before. The happiness.

But the only thing Rex Lapis can offer is his duty. And the only thing he can give him is his protection. Even after so long, nothing has changed. Rex Lapis still has a duty to Liyue that must take precedence over all others. He has no time for a heart and love and a conflict of interest like Ajax.

(That thought alone is enough to cause a burning sensation behind his eyes. So harsh and intense that it takes several blinks to will it away. No, he could not be so selfish as to consider his own pain. Not when Ajax had suffered — is suffering so much already. And not when Morax had so little to offer his dear friend to relieve said pain.) ]

Ajax.

[ For a moment, the bearing and conduct of an Archon are lost, as Morax grants him a smile that is genuine. More sincere than the carefully controlled politeness and correct way of carrying himself. No. This feeling was straight for his heart, warm and full of a piece of him that had been missing every since Ajax left Liyue that day long ago. ]

It is a beautiful name. The name of a proud warrior if I recall correctly.

I would be honored if you would let me address you by it.

[ oh.

It's Ajax's turn to realize something just happened, but he also isn't sure what. Nevertheless, he can't help the strange feeling of warmth in his chest and his cheeks, coloring them pink because no one has ever looked at him that way before. No one has ever said something about him was beautiful (unless in a mocking sort of way, anyway.) He doesn't know what to do with this feeling. Even though he has been hoping for some friendliness moments ago now that he's getting some it's overwhelming. No, no one should be smiling at him like that. Morax must be reminded of someone close to him. That's all. This warmth isn't for him to take advantage of and experience.

Nevertheless, Ajax nods shyly, being a hand to his face as he realizes he must look ridiculous. A long time ago he had instilled in him that there were certain things some people could simply not have because of their existential circumstances. A creature of the Abyss could not be ever seen as anything but a threat to eradicate indiscriminately. An experiment could never experience being their own person. A soldier could never experience peace. An abomination could never experience living because their "life" was constant suffering and being denied the mercy of being allowed to die.

Ajax could never experience companionship of any kind. He would never experience acceptance or what it's like to live a fulfilling life. He'll never experience being wanted or loved. He'd never know what being a human was all about.

(But, still, why can't he just bask in this warmth like the very sun coming from the archon for a small few moments. What harm was there? Even if it really way for someone else. ) ]

I... If you're sure...

[ he embarrassment wanes suddenly, though, grimacing slightly as the very unpleasant heat that he's come to be familiar with starts to burn like acid in his chest. He feels it, then, too, something twisting and piercing as it becomes more difficult to breathe. All he can think is—

I can't get sick right here right now.
He swallows the urge to vomit, breathes through his nose and runs a hand over his face and back through his hair as he stays quiet for a moment, not trusting if he tries to speak now that it won't make his effort in vain.

Miraculously he manages to prevent it for now. a sigh escapes him in relief before he offers an apologetic small smile. ]

Ahem—aheh, sorry. I think that smile of yours was just so radiant I lost myself for a moment there. As expected, you have a really beautiful one. I hope you have more opportunities to show it in the future.

[ Zhongli sees the grimace that Ajax is doing his very best to hide. He can only imagine the kind of pain the other must be enduring, the curse of the flowers on top of the throbbing of his injuries. Unconsciously, he reaches out to him — a hand pressed against his cheek as he swipes his unruly bangs away from the eye patch.

Ah, and where had his dear Ajax lost that?

It seemed no matter the life, hardship and pain always seemed to find him. No rest for the man on the fisherman's boat. None for the traveler looking for power. And now none for the man wreathed in the dark energies of the Abyss.

(Unfair. It was unfair that Ajax was always forced to suffer so.) ]

I am sure, Ajax.

And once we are done here, I would like to take you to a healer proper. If this ailment is caused by experimentation as you say, we may not be able to find the cure for it. But at the very least I would not have you suffer through its symptoms needlessly when relief could be made available.

[ A thumb presses to his cheek, curves under the leather of the eyepatch. He is being much too forward, he knows. But the last time he had held Ajax—

If he were to be taken from him once more, then this time— this time Zhongli did not want it to be with any regrets. ]

Do you have any objections to that?

[ ...Ah. this is all so ... surreal. If he wasn't so stunned by the touch too his face, he would have recommend instinctively due to not every revealing a time someone touched him without intent to harm him or discipline him in some manner.

(And so Ajax further doesn't realize how he leans into the touch looked a starved animal being lured with food.)

Rather than express doubt at the speaking of a healer, he asks curiously. ]

Is there something else or could be that a healer would know how to identify and assist with? [ he can't say he's met many people that had him feel that getting sick coughing up flowers and choking on them was not so unheard of. ...Not that he talks to very many people.]

I haven't really heard of anything like it before, so I just assumed it had to do with that.

Either way, though... I guess not. I'll go with you to the healer.

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