hydrangeabloom | (no subject)

[ What is this...?

Childe knows he should pull back for so many reasons (did Zhongli really know if he wanted this? Is he simply indulging Childe's antics without much care of what it might mean? Is Childe really going to pursue openly making out in his damn office while his kid sister is somewhere around the vicinity??,) but the overwhelming desire and visceral need to have This (all of This) for even just a moment in time doesn't allow him to do anything of the sort.

When Zhongli pulls him down, he sinks further than simply closing the space between their bodies. Using one arm to press against the couch he holds some of his weight as to not simply dump it all upon Zhongli while his other hand digs into the couch cushion as he is consumed by the moment and the man beneath him.

(Never again, he promised himself. Never again with anyone. ...And yet, is this really "again" at all when it never ceased? He's wanted Zhongli for so fucking long how can anyone expect him to control himself being given a taste of it now?)

It doesn't seem to matter one bit how experienced or inexperienced the other is or otherwise seems, Tartaglia is more than willing to make up for it. The way his body shifts and adds just a hint of delicious friction, the way his lips become possessive in their passion (as he presses his tongue to lips and use it to gain access to that mouth he's wanted to ravage with his own since he laid eyes on it— )

Childe likes to think of himself as a sexually controlled individual. He has little need for it, willing to engage for the sake of business if absolutely needed, but very rarely did he have to seek out someone for a good fuck just to get it out of his system. But fuck if Zhongli didn't make him feel like he hasn't sex since they last saw each other, fuck if Zhongli doesn't bring out an insatiable sexual appetite... even if they never did anything like this before.

It's a good thing, then, that the back of the couch provides a bit of a shield should Tonia come back because it'll give Childe some precious seconds to disengage their activities. For now, though, anything to do with pulling back is the furthest from his mind. The's a part of him, too, that realizes this isn't simply him reacting to physical desire, either. Despite being turned in, he can't bring himself to make any progressive advances beyond kissing the other as if it's the only way he can possibly breathe. It's not perfect, he just wants to hold Zhongli, just be close to him— And no amount of insistence that he actually just wants sex is able to distract him from that.

( Stay. I want you to stay with me until there's nothing left of either of us. ) ]

[ When Zhongli does finally pull back, a pink dusts across his cheeks as he dares to look shy and flustered (an expression that had never one crossed Morax's features). His teeth dig into his own lower lip. ]

You're very good at this. Practiced.

[ It is not a statement of jealousy but of simple fact that even Zhongli could tell that Childe was experienced. That he was holding back from escalating due to attempting to be patient or Zhongli's own inexperience (or something else entirely?). Impossible to tell.

But if Childe had taken lovers before, then why did he not have one now? Had they all been temporary flights of passion? Did his duties prevent him from having a serious relationship?

There were so many questions with no answers, ever growing like a yawning chasm that showed just how little Zhongli knew of Childe despite how long they had known each other. How little he had come to try to understand Childe even though they were living under the same roof.

A hand reaches up to card through his hair, fond and gentle. ]

Is this okay?

[ Fingertips drag over the shell of his ear. ]

Is this something that you want?

[ Is it okay? He doesn't know how to answer that. If Zhongli were literally anyone else, he would say no, it's not okay. Even if it's Zhongli, he should say it's not okay, because he shouldn't be distracted from his loyalty to the Tsaritsa. Nevertheless, plenty of the others have all had it have relationships (Harbinger or any other tank in the Fatui) regardless, so why couldn't he indulge, too?

Is this something he wants? That's far easier to answer, especially with fingers moving through his hair in such a way. Life feels so unfair right now to dangle this in front of him only for his conscience to feel a need to wake up for once. lowering his gaze (because if he keeps looking at that adorable blush and expression, he won't be able to resist if he needs to,) Childe swallows before giving in a small nod. He doesn't really care if it's okay or not, in the end, but— ]

I do... but that's not good enough. You have to want it, too.

Then you do not have to worry. I have wanted this for a long time. Ever since those days where I stubbornly did not allow the presence of forks at my table and you stubbornly refused to lose to a pair of cheap-ass wooden sticks as I believe you called them.

[ That particular memory is a fond one, where Xiangling had gasped at his language, giggles hidden behind her hand as Chef Mao had rolled his eyes at their antics. And how Childe had left the restaurant with a steamed bun stuffed in his mouth as both proprietors made sure he didn't leave the establishment hungry. How bright and alive the world had been&mdash is when Childe was a part of it. ]

I thought again and again during those times how much I wanted to kiss you.

What a fool I was to not say anything before you left. To wait years before I came here in search of you.

[ Because why... why hadn't Zhongli said anything to Childe during those months in Liyue? Long long months where he let the opportunity slip through his fingers time and time again. How much time had Zhongli wasted with his silence even here in Snezhnaya— more lost months and more lost time.

No. No, today there would be an end to that. He would get his answer soon enough. ]

You have my apologies for being a coward.

[ Ah, if only Zhongli knew just how much of a coward he really was. And why he didn't say anything during Childe's time in Liyue... ]

[ Oh... something grips Childe's heart in his chest hearing this confession. If this is all true ... then... no. Zhongli back then would never have admitted to anything even if Childe had come forth. There's nothing he could have done to change the situation save perhaps coming back years later to trt again.

How could he have, though? The pain in his heart cuts deep even now just thinking back to it, and it's a struggle to accept this confession even if it's what he's wanted. There's no way he could have overcome his fear of rejection back then.

Is this something that never would have surfaced if Zhonglis memory wasn't suffering? He doesn't seem to remember anything to do with him being the geo-archon. If that's the thing that's making this possible, does that mean Childe is selfish to accept it? Can it even be considered real if Zhongli would never have given it, otherwise?

(But those circumstances were so long ago and the only one they kept living on in, apparently, was Childe himself.

...Maybe he should just let them go finally, too? )

Leaning forward, he gently touches his nose to Zhongli's, speaking with such adoration even if it's somewhat cautious. ]

I'm... also a coward. But... none of that has to matter, right? We can leave our mistakes in the past, stop chasing it for whatever is missing, and just go forward together, instead, from now on. If you're okay with building a future with me, that is.

[ if this is what Zhongli has really wanted ... Childe doesn't think it's possible to help Zhongli remember and still make him happy. Maybe Zhongli doesn't want to remember at all. Maybe he just doesn't know it himself due to the very nature of losing one's memories. ]

I want you to be my future, though, Xiansheng. Don't think otherwise even for a moment. And that won't change no matter what you decide. I'll wait as long as I have to.

[ Zhongli chuckles under his breath, not because he does not believe in the sincerity of Childe's statement. The truth is there in those beautiful fathomless eyes of his.

But it is silly, really, that he thinks Zhongli would want to wait. That he would want to waste even more time when the object of his affections was right in front of him and just as eager to move past their rocky past (for surely there was something else there, something that Childe wasn't or couldn't tell him).

The time for waiting and patience had long since past. ]

Why do we have to wait at all? Have we not already let too many years pass us by, waiting for something anything to change our situation?

[ Zhongli leans forward to place a kiss softly on Childe's lips since he had been so gracious as to close the space between them. ]

I will not interfere with your work, knowing how it is important to you. But let me be the person who welcomes you home, Childe.

Nothing would make me happier.

[ It feels like a dream, but it's a dream Childe won't shy away from. If he wants it to be reality, then the only thing to do is indulge. There's something sweet hearing such words from Zhongli, so much that it smoothes over everything from their past like soothing oils streamed over tired flesh.

His work...? Well, no matter how important it is to him, it can wait. He returns the gentle kiss before brushing his lips across the other's delicate cheek to murmur hotly against Zhongli's ear. ]

There's no one else I would rather having to do such a thing than you. Tonight, I'll make sure you feel the truth of my statement to the point you'll almost forget that we were ever apart to begin with.

[ he pulls back now enough to be able to look at Zhongli again and offer a smile. ]

Sounds good, right? [ he'd not even wait, but ... well, he doesn't trust his sister not to take up being a voyeur if given the opportunity. Especially since she knows better than anyone how long and how much he has pined for the other man despite never having been able to let himself go back to try and resolve things. ]

It sounds lovely.

[ More than Zhongli could have hoped for. More than he could have even imagined. His heart swells fuller than he's ever felt before, and he feels... alive. Yes, Zhongli feels very alive in this moment.

But.

About Tonia... ]

But it is not often that your sister visits, yes? I do not want my greediness to distract you from her visit. And it would be a shame not to properly spend time with her after you have told me so much about her.

[ Little does Zhongli know how much the reverse was also true. ]

Don't worry, she will be fine. We'll be spending plenty of time with her, too.

[ it's just lucky for Childe Tonia would be really mad if he neglected his time with Zhongli to over-cater to her. in fact, she's probably be the most disappointed of all of them and that's saying something. ]

I see.

[ Zhongli's eyes flicker back to the door that Tonia had disappeared behind, wheels slowly turning as the seconds ticked by. He clears an embarrassed sound from his throat, realizing that if things had continued as they were progressing perhaps the two of them might have very well made love on top of Childe's work couch which he used to entertain foreign dignitaries, all levels of Fatui rank and the current location of his sister's discarded clothing.

How scandalous.

Zhongli dips forward to place a kiss upon Childe's warm smile, chaste and adoring.

Tonight. Childe had said tonight. Zhongli could be patient until tonight. He had already been patient thus far. ]

Is she like you and will finish cooking dinner before either of us realize that we've left her alone to do such a task in our stead?

[ For how many times had Childe cooked and cleaned around Zhongli's particular habits so efficiently that Zhongli had not even known what Childe was doing until he had finished. ]

Well— not in this case. She doesn't know what you like to eat so she wouldn't take the risk—

[ Childe pauses, suddenly looking confused like he's thought of something. She doesn't know, does she? Did he ever tell her about Zhongli's particulars with food?

After a pause he will get up suddenly moving around the couch to head through the door. ]

Hey, Tonia—!! You're not doing anything behind my back are you—

[ the girl's voice comes from the distance clearly not wanting her brother to be bothering asking something like this.

"Nothing! Go back to your date. So what if I wanna cook for it? Your priorities are still really bad, Ajax!"

If Zhongli isn't following he'll hear Childe just keep going with his voice getting more distant as he goes to locate her. ]

What? Stop it there's no date, this is supposed to be group effort dinner. You aren't allowed to cook for me as a guest, this is my place.

[ "It's your place but my kitchen now. Go be a good boyfriend host. I'll be so mad if you screw this up before I even finish, you know. I haven't made this stuff before, so you need to give me some time okay?" ]

H-hey?! [ he's not .. messing up right ?! ]

[ Zhongli follows but at a distance, giving the two siblings their space. At first, it is more of an issue of politeness that he wishes to help out in the kitchen if Childe himself plans to get involved. This home has become his over the past few months (such a thought fanning a warmth deep within Zhongli of belonging), and then curiosity to experience the Harbinger as he was among his beloved family.

Regret bubbles up as soon as Tonia refers to Chile by a name that he has not heard before. Ajax. Ah... The name given to him by his parents no doubt. Childe had always been a title, this Zhongli knew even though he favored it over the name given to him by the Tsarista. Such a name was for work matters, and he did not like using something so impersonal when Zhongli's presence had nothing to do with either Wangsheng or the Fatui.

But it feels forbidden to find out in such a way. Like it wasn't meant for his ears. And so that piece of knowledge is quickly buried (and hopefully forgotten, would it not be a blessing if he could forget something that he wished to) as Zhongli also enters the kitchen. ]

Lady Tonia. I fear that the both of us would feel like incapable hosts if we let the guest do all the hosting. If not the cooking, perhaps there are other tasks that we might be able to assist with in the meantime.

[ Tonia glances up at Zhongli curiously before offering a smile. "Ah, well, Mr. Zhongli, let's make a deal."

She sets her offer on the table. The dish will take some time, and it probably best they finish it since she has little experience with Liyue cuisine but she can put all the prep work together. So she suggests they go off and relax for the next hour and a half and then they can swap.

Childe is quiet as he listens to her proposal. He realizes he has nothing to add, so he lets Zhongli speak although he will convince Zhongli that it's a good enough split of the responsibilities and they should let her have the full kitchen to herself. He will even take Zhongli's hand and lead him off, but instead of heading back to work he pulls Zhongli into his bedroom and shuts the door behind them before shoving his companion up against it to kiss him on the mouth passionately. Fingers move greedily over the adeptus's body as he nips at those lips he's captured. Only once he needs to pull back to breathe does he offer a hint of what's going through his mind (not that it was that much of a mystery to guess from his actions in the first place), his voice playful against the other's but completely serious in their offer. ]

An hour and a half is more than enough time to give you a sneak peak of what's after dinner. [ in all honestly, Childe has very little appetite for anything other than Zhongli now, no matter how delicious dinner has the potential to be. ]

[ Zhongli's mouth twists in a complicated expression as Tonia explains her proposal. It is even and it is fair, and yet he wants to protest it for the sake of protesting due to an unfamiliar feeling bubbling up in his stomach. Thankfully, Childe pulls him away and leads him out of the kitchen before he can do so.

The place they end up is also surprising, but what about this evening hasn't been different from the norm.

Zhongli lets out a startled sound when his back hits the door, clearly surprised at Childe's forwardness (they were going to eat soon and wasn't this probably going to get potentially messy), but it is clearly not unwelcome. Not when Zhongli angles his head just so to meet the kiss, tongue slipping into Childe's mouth. Not when arms wrap around his neck to pull him closer and invite him to touch him more.

(But during this time, there is a strange pause where Zhongli's eyes go glassy and unfocused. Zhongli cannot recall ever being intimate with another person, but Morax certainly has enough experience that his body knows how to respond even without those memories. Hands smooth down the expanse of Childe's back with practiced ease. A kiss is pressed firmly against his jaw and the haziness recedes from Zhongli's expression.) ]

But would it not be terribly rude to ruin your appetite before the meal?

[ Fingers fiddle with the claps and buttons on Childe's next layer of clothing as contrary to his words, Zhongli attempt to undo them. His voice is steady as always though the rising flush in his cheeks and the slight tremor in his fingers bely that overwhelming confidence. ]

Unless you can manage to fit in a whole proper course.

[ Childe senses those small barely there uncertainties present in the other's body language, but all he can do is find them adorable and endearing. He knows that any nervousness is Zhongli unable to remember anything of this type rather than truly his first encounter (someone such ass Morax... to assume he didn't have any experience would be absurd) ... but there's something about it that makes Childe's chest feel warm all the same.

As if to emphasize his next point, he runs his tongue down the length of Zhongli's neck (as much as he can with that collar in place, antsy, which he will make sure to get rid of first as he begins to do immediately.) ]

You think I could ever get enough of you that I would not have room for more? Don't forget... my hunger has been left to fester for years. The only way you'll ruin my appetite is that I lose a taste for everything else except for you.

[ —and concerning that ... it's already too late. ]

Besides... [ As soon as he's loosened the tie and collar enough he'll start to lick and kiss at the newly exposed skin before pausing with a smile carved onto his features that presses easily against Zhongli's flesh. His hands shift to start working the buttons and layers loose on his lover next. ]

Even children know the rules: If I can't eat the full meal, how will I get to my dessert? I want that dessert more than anything.

[ More than anything...

Zhongli's entire body spasms as his breath hitches, fingertips digging into the thick material of Childe's coat. A good portion of that is due to the attention that Childe is physically paying attention to him (the warmth of his mouth and tongue on places that are not even usually exposed) but Childe's words and the unbridled exposure of his desire is what truly overwhelms him. Zhongli can feel the heated flush to his cheeks and spreading to the rest of his body. Uncontrollable and exposed as Childe's slowly strips layer after layer of clothing off him.

That same heat and desire burn within Zhongli as well in addition to the need to reciprocate. But unlike every other aspect of his life were he was either knowledgeable or had a particular way of doing things, he finds himself lost in the spontaneity and ambiguity of whatever was happening between him and Childe. He wanted it. Oh Archons, he also wanted it more than anything. But he had never been so unsure on how to proceed before. ]

Childe... I have not—

I have never...

[ Ah, it's so hard to concentrate over the rush of heat overtaking him and the feel of Childe pressed against him. Whatever pride and attempts at remaining composed through all of this begin to slowly melt away. ]

But I want you. I want you so dearly.

[ A short chuckle escapes his throat, playful and aroused but reassuring and sincere. ]

Relax. You don't need to know your to do anything else here other than indulge in enjoying yourself. ... And if you don't like how something feels, that you speak up. I'll take care of the rest.

[ Childe is true to his word. He doesn't strip Zhongli completely bare, but he does enough to be able to get his hands running over rarely exposed skin, exploring as much as caressing the other to map his body through touch. Eventually he'll grab the other to lift him up against the door encouraging Zhongli to wrap his legs around Childe's waist as the harbinger continues to shift between kissing and nipping at shots where the flesh is particularly thin and returning to kissing him in order to explore the other's mouth once again with his tongue. He doesn't take time to purposely tease beyond the fact that he's still stroking and touching Zhongli all over while leaving any areas that directly have to do with sex untouched. He will get to them soon enough, and he plans to spoil Zhongli there the same way he's currently doing to every other part of the adeptus in his arms. Afterall, Zhongli is deserving of such body worship in Childe's eyes. ]

[ When Zhongli is lifted, he easily slides his legs around Childe, ankles hooked at the small of his back and pressed against the door so that Childe does not have to bear the brunt of all of his weight. It's intoxicating - feeling Childe's hands wander and caress parts of him that have never been touched before. To be kissed again and again enthusiastically as Childe explores him.

Quiet and embarrassing sounds (if Zhongli had enough presence of mind to be embarrassed) start slipping past his lips as well as the quiet mantra of Childe's name. Childe Childe Childe.

Though even in his current diminished capacity, Zhongli is a firm believe of equality and fairness and does not back down just because something is new and unfamiliar. So his own hands begin mimicking Childe's touches, one after another, mirroring his actions. Off-balance as he is, he does not have enough presence of mind to properly distinguish Childe's reactions to his touches and thus Zhongli continues to stroke and caress him in the ways that he finds personally pleasing. Is he furthering exposing his own vulnerabilities? Yes. Does he mind in the slightest? Not at all.

Strange. Childe was a Harbinger, a bringer of death from another nation, was rumored to have attempted to drown Liyue Harbor if the gossip of the town were to be believe. And yet Zhongli felt nothing but safe and cared for here in Snezhnaya and here in his arms. ]

You always---

[ The words are a faint whisper lost in the throes of everything else that Zhongli was experiencing. ]

You have always taken care of me.

[ Childe does notice and will shift to mirroring where Zhongli touches after a bit, curious to see if they are indeed pleasant for him. His movements only allow when Zhongli speaks, the harbinger unable to ignore what he says. Ah, no... that's not true. He doesn't want to mislead the other snow something like that and get how can he tell him without bringing up things that may very well trigger that pain. It's worse to let that happen then let a lie continue. It's not as if he plans to use this thinking to his advantage or anything in order to harm the other, so it's fine. ]

There's nothing wrong with that, is there?

[ his voice is low breathed against the upper portion of his collar bone as he goes to press a kiss there before run his tongue along the flesh there.

There's nothing wrong with any of it if they are both happy. ]

[ Zhongli's breath catches and the blush spreads down his neck and to his collarbone as Childe hones in only the most pleasurable sensations. His hips shift in impatience that there are so many layers of clothes between them and that Childe's touch is met with layers of fabric instead of desired skin against skin.

Ah, Zhongli could melt in this moment, burn away to ash under the heat of this pleasure (muted that it was) and not regret a single moment of it. Distracted, the answer Zhongli gives Childe is one that is unfiltered and unprepared unlike his usual meticulous answers: ]

No. No... Of course not. It's endearing. Warm. All of those people who would fall for your charm and yet you chose...

[ To dote on him. To dote on Zhongli. Zhongli who rambles and sometimes misses social cues. Zhongli who is rigid and stubborn and particular and terrible with money. Zhongli who cannot understand what about him catches the attention of one of Snezhnaya's strongest but will not complain about how fortune played out.

It is mutual in some way. For Zhongli cannot quite put into words what draws him to Childe in return. He's assuredly handsome, most definitely charming but their personalities were like night and day, winter and summer. Why does Zhongli want only the fiercest warrior when he should want someone quiet and polite and academic?

But want Zhongli does as a drawn out moan follows the slide of Childe's tongue against his skin. ]

I would not care if it was wrong. I do not care if this does not makes sense.

I just want... I just want—

[ Childe. Childe. Childe ]

[ If Childe wasn't so thoroughly grounded right now, hearing Zhongli say such things would make him question the reality of this situation. How long has he wanted to hear something like that? How long has he wanted Zhongli to see him and only him? To look beyond the past he supposedly wished to retire from and live out his days as a human. It does seem that Zhongli is getting to do that now, and perhaps not remembering his past is the only way this could ever come to pass. Ah, he doesn't want Zhongli to be in the dark, but if he doesn't care enough to find out what's behind him and only what's ahead of him, how can he do anything but oblige? More and more he wonders if this is simply better for the adeptus as much as it is for himself.

A smile presses against Zhongli's skin, sincere and affectionate rather than vicious in any way. ]

Hm~? You want...?

[ okay, the smile is just little bit mischievous now, too. ]

[ Perhaps it is better for the both of them if Zhongli forgets. After all, how much more complicated would things be if Zhongli did remember? Would he had even made his way to Snezhnaya burdened with the baggage of their broken friendship.

(No, he would not. But also closure cannot be found for either of them with Zhongli like this.)

One hand slides up the slit of fabric draped over Childe's stomach — a signature flair of his fashion even here in the lands of ice and snow. Fingertips tease along his ribs and stroke appreciatively the honed muscles and scars he finds scattered there. Zhongli's head lulls unconsciously toward the smile pressed against his skin even as his cheeks flush redder from Childe's teasing.

Warm. It is so warm here. ]

Yes. I want. I want so much that I can not properly put it into words. This feelings that burns when you are near and still smolders in your absence. Ever present.

I want to feel the touch of your passion. I want to offer you the sincerity of my feelings.

I want and I want, Childe.

[ The Harbinger's name is breathed as a prayer as Zhongli kisses whatever part of Childe is within reach. The heels of his dress shoes dig further into Childe's cloak. ]

And I do not know what to do about it.

Let me show you, then. [ His voice is husky but still contains a sincerely affectionate playfulness that he can't and doesn't wish to hide from the other. Later, Childe can mull over what all the things will mean and the consequences of variants paths.

Right now, thin, he simply wants the would to be busy the two of them in this moment. He'll scolds himself later (maybe) that he feels like he's his younger self again, less jaded by reality and entirely (stupidly) hopeful there could be something between them. That somehow his mission wouldn't create bad blood and they would work it out somehow.

(Because love conquers all, right?)

(... yeah, sure, but it requires to be loved just the same as you love, and that almost never— ) ]

You're going to take everything you want and more because I'm going to give it to you all endlessly.

[ Childe presses his lips to Zhongli's ear even as he shifts to further crowd the other against the door. Voice low, he is sure to speak and weave his tone to be just as enticing as his suggestive teasing. If Zhongli's willing then they can go beyond a small preview, right? ]

Where should I start, though? Do you want it to begin by being pleasured against the wall or should I take you to the bed to make love to you first, instead, for the first round~?

[ Zhongli blinks at Childe for a very long time, clearly vexed over being offered such a choice. What does he want? Being pressed against a wall and taken hungrily is very much what he would expect from Childe, impatient and inefficient and prone to challenges that he is. And Zhongli is certain he would find that experience enjoyable, infatuated with the rowdy side of the Snezhnayan diplomate as he is. But to be offered a bed, to call it making love—

That was the Childe who laughed and paid for his purchases whenever he forgot his wallet (that is to say, all the time). That was the Childe who drew him a bath and kept him warm on that first night in Snezhnaya. That was the Childe who offered him his home and his affection and asked for nothing in return as far as Zhongli could tell.

Ah, there really didn't need to be such deliberation, really. Zhongli knew what he wanted their first time to be like. He wanted that softer Childe that he felt affections for that few other saw. It was a bit selfish, seeing how the two of them were currently worked up at the moment (though it would take little to rekindle that passion after moving to the bed.)

But still.

But still— ]

I want you to make love to me.

[ Zhongli wanted to be spoiled. ]

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